


Name Tags Please

by TeaGhost12



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:02:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25064338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaGhost12/pseuds/TeaGhost12
Summary: Set in mid season six of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS) the entire gang finds themselves swapped into each other’s bodies (similar to a Freaky Friday type situation). Can they figure out how to set things right? Contains minor spoilers for some early season six events.
Relationships: Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris/Anya Jenkins
Kudos: 8





	Name Tags Please

Opens on the Geeks lair as Warren is working at what looks like a huge chemistry set with the end result being a gold powder. 

Warren: We’ve got it.

Jonathan: What is that?

Warren: This is our ticket to get inside the Slayer’s inner sanctum, learn her plans and her greatest weakness. (Andrew looks impressed, Jonathan looks suspicious. Warren continues defiantly.) This powder allows two people to switch bodies. She’ll think she is talking to one of her friends and actually she will be talking to me. It’s perfect.

Andrew: Whoa, so are you going to be a girl, because most of her friends are...

Warren: No! She does have guy friends. Ok, one guy friend, Xander. I’ll switch with him. It’ll be great, listen, I’ve got it all planned out. We will go to the Magic Box tonight, I’ll watch in the window for when Xander is there alone. I’ll give you guys a signal and then I’ll enter and just go talk to him. All you guys have to do is release the powder into the air vent on the roof. It will come through the building and when it dusts us both - Bam! - we will be switched. Then you guys come in, grab Xander, who will now be in my body, and then I’ll be ready to find out all there is to know about the Slayer. 

That evening at the Magic Box, Willow and Tara are talking, Anya and Giles are cleaning up for the night and Buffy and Dawn are sitting at the table studying.

Buffy and Dawn together: Aaagh! I can’t do this!

Willow: Looks like the Summer girls are having academic hardships. 

Buffy: Maybe I shouldn’t even be auditing any classes this semester. I mean this is an art appreciation class you would think it would just be about the prettiness of pictures, but no they want me to learn all these terms. I mean what is Dadaism?

Tara: An early twentieth century art movement which ridiculed contemporary culture and traditional art forms. (Buffy looks amazed as Tara smiles.) Here let me help you. (Tara sits down next to Buffy and begins to give her a tutorial.)

Willow: And what are you having trouble with Dawn? Because if it is math or science, I can...

Dawn: History

Buffy: Oh, that’s genetic. History and Summers do not mix.

Dawn: It is World History. We are studying about Queen Elisabeth’s reign.

Giles: Oh, English History, perhaps I could help. (He sits beside Dawn to begin instructing her)

Cut to outside. We see Warren outside looking in.

Warren: (into his walkie talkie) I don’t see him yet. Hold your position.

Cut to the roof.

Jonathan: Copy that.

Andrew: This is so cool. This is just like that time when Mulder switched bodies with the area 51 guy and got all that inside information.

Jonathan: Yeah, and in the meantime the area 51 guy who was in Mulder’s body was totally seducing Scully.

Andrew: Oh, yeah. She totally wants me.

Jonathan: (gives Andrew a skeptical look) Please, you’d be lucky if the Fluke-monster wanted you.

Cut back to Warren who sees Xander entering and dragging Spike.

Warren: There he is. Now hold your position. We have to wait until he’s alone.

Cut to the roof. We see Jonathan and Andrew fighting.

Andrew: She does so totally want me.

Jonathan: In your dreams.

Back inside the magic shop.

Xander: Look who I found. (Pushes Spike forward)

Spike: Hey, lay off the coat. (looks around) I was just here to get some burba weed.

Xander: (gives him a skeptical look) And you were going to pay for that, right?

Spike: Well, sure of course. (Anya goes to the cash register and stands behind it giving him a look) Alright fine. (He goes over to the cash register to complete the transaction.)

Xander looks around and see Tara helping Buffy and Giles helping Dawn. Xander walks over to Willow.

Xander: What’s going on here?

Willow: Oh intensive study session.

Cut to the roof. Jonathan and Andrew are still fighting.

Andrew: You better back down. I totally know how to put the Vulcan neck pinch on you and then you’ll be sorry.

Jonathan: Oh right, you don’t know anything …

Warren: (over the walkie talkie) Hey, quit fighting and concentrate. We need to be ready.

Cut to Warren’s point of view still looking into the shop.

Jonathan and Andrew together over the walkie talkie: Ooops!

Warren: What did you guys do? (he looks inside the shop and sees a gold dust fall from the vents and fall over the individuals in the shop) Oh, great.

Jonathan: (over the walkie talkie) Abort! Abort!

We see all the nerds flee.

Inside the magic shop we see the gold dust settle on the individuals inside.

Willow and Xander who had been talking fall silent and stare at each other.

Spike and Anya who had been talking as he paid for his purchase stop and stare at each other.

Tara and Buffy stop studying and stare at each other.

Dawn and Giles stop studying and stare at each other.

Dawn: Oh dear lord.

(Opening Credits)

Magic shop. Silent at first with Giles and Dawn staring at each other, Tara and Buffy staring at each other, Willow and Xander staring at each other, and Spike and Anya staring at each other. Suddenly they all start talking at once.

Willow: Whoa! (taking a step back from Xander)

Buffy: W..w..what’s going on?

Xander: (to Willow) Are you … me?

Anya: Bloody hell you’ve got to be kidding me.

Spike: (grabs Anya’s purse which is on the counter and fishes out a mirror, looks at it and drops it with frustration) This is so annoying. I can’t even see myself to be sure that I am Spike.

Giles: Alright, this is like so super freaky.

Everyone is now talking on top of each other and starting to freak out.

Tara: QUIET! (With authority) Now everyone calm down! (the group goes silent and looks up at her) Now everyone is not who they are … um, appear to be, right? (the group nods slowly)

Giles: Buffy? Is that you?

Tara: Yeah. Who are you?

Giles: Dawn.

Tara: You’re kidding. (looking at Dawn) so you are …

Dawn: Giles

Tara: And you guys (looking at Willow and Xander)

Xander: Willow

Willow: Xander

Tara: I am starting to get the hang of this so you guys back there are (looking at Anya and Spike)

Spike: Anya

Anya: Who do you bloody think?

Tara: And (looking down at Buffy) you are obviously Tara.

Buffy: (nervously) I don’t like this (gets up and walks toward Willow) Willow…(stops looks to Xander) I mean Willow.

Xander: It’s OK. (Hugging her) We’ll figure it out. Maybe it is a spell or something.

Dawn: (with authority) Quite right. We need to start researching if we have any hope of figure out why this has happened to us.

Later, in the magic shop. We see everyone pouring over books, except Giles who is curled up asleep in a chair and Anya who is just staring at the group looking really bored. 

Anya: Come on already. Don’t you have anything yet? It is morning already.

Tara: You know Spike if you want us to hurry up you could help.

Anya: Ohh! Come on! Two of you are witches here (pauses looking around at them) Can’t remember which two of the lot of you it is right now (without looking up from their books, Buffy and Xander raise their hands) Right, come on just cast a spell and set it right.

Xander: We can’t OK. You have to know the spell that put us in this situation in order to find the correct counter spell. So why don’t you help?

Anya: Oh, and (indicating Giles) nancy boy there gets to just sleep…

Dawn: Nancy boy is right here.

Tara: *That* (indicating Giles) is Dawn. She was tired and she needed sleep. She has school today. (gasp) School! It is about to start. (goes to wake Giles) Dawn. (Giles yawns, but then rolls over and goes back to sleep.)

Xander: Buffy, what are you doing? You can’t send her like that. We have to find the spell first.

Tara: We can’t wait. I am already in trouble with social services as it is, because Dawn has missed too many days of school.

Willow: And you really think sending a 40-year old British man who assures his teachers that he really is a 14 year old girl is going to help solve your problems with social services.

Tara: (sighs) You’re right. (turns toward Dawn) You have to go.

Dawn: I think my time could be better spent looking into our current predicament. I think I found something in the Chronicles of Abitik which may be of some use …

Tara: And I will look into, I promise. Please, Giles I can’t have them take her away. Dawn has to show up for school and right now *you* are Dawn.

Dawn: (sighs) Alright. I’ll go. (starts packing Dawn’s school bag with the papers and books that were spread out from the earlier study session.) Someone might want to put a sign in the window of the store to let people know that the magic shop won’t be open today.

Spike: But surely we can research and talk care of customers at the same time. All those customers with money and … (Dawn gives Spike a looks) Fine! (Spike walks over to the counter, writes on a piece of paper, CLOSED FOR THE DAY)

Willow: Hey Will, that reminds me, you better call in sick for work unless you feel like taking my place out at the construction site.

Xander: I’m thinking … no. What’s the number? (Willow gives it to him)

Spike: (walks outside to put the sign on the door but runs back in smoking) Owww!

Anya: Hey, as long as you are in my body I would appreciate it if you didn’t turn it a big pile of dust.

Willow runs over to Spike.

Willow: Anya, honey are you O.K?

Spike: Yeah, I am fine. But that hurt. (Looks at Willow for a second) Xander, right? (Willow nods. Spike sinks into Willow’s arms for a hug. Willow then takes the sign from Spike goes outside puts it in the front window and comes back inside and takes Spike's hand.)

Willow: Trust me honey. I am not enjoying having you inside of that body, anymore than you are. Why did it have to be Spike? (glares at Anya)

Anya: Hey, what do you want *me* to do about it? 

Dawn: I am leaving. I will you see you all later and it is my sincerest hope that by then you will have come across a solution.

Dawn leaves. The group returns to their books. Anya once again looks bored. 

Willow: Hey, Buffy what if this is like whatever Faith used to switch your bodies that one time?

Xander: The Draconian katra spell? Nope, I already looked into it. That would require a katra and the physical touch of the other person. This is something different. I am thinking it might be related to this gold dust that is everywhere.

Spike: I notice that – what is it?

Xander: I don’t know yet, but if we can identify it maybe we can figure out what spell it is associated with and what the counter spell is to it. 

Giles yawns and then wakes up. He opens up his eyes and as he looks down at himself, he starts in surprise. 

Tara: It’s OK Dawn. You are still Giles, remember?

Giles: Oh yeah.

Xander: And he is still you and he just went off to school, so that you make an appearance.

Giles: Alright, free day from school. That rocks! (suddenly a looks comes across his face) Wait! You did tell him to not do anything that would embarrass me right?

Cuts to the school. We see Dawn wondering around looking a bit lost. She sees Janice.

Dawn: Oh, pardon me, Jamie … I mean Janice right? (Janice gives Dawn a weird look) I … um, seem have forgotten the location of my locker and … of all of my classes and I was … hoping you could help me.

Janice: What are you talking about? You are joking right?

Dawn: I am afraid not. Please, your assistance would be most appreciated. 

Janice: (looking at Dawn like she is completely mental) Alright. Fine I’ll play along for now, but I am curious what the punch line is going to be of this. …And are you wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday?

Afternoon at the magic shop. We see the group continuing to work. Willow walks in from the back room, her nose in a book. She looks up and sees Anya sitting on the counter. She absent-mindedly goes over and gives Anya’s leg a squeeze as she passes. Anya jumps.

Anya: Hey, watch it Red, I know you’re gay and all but try to remember I am in here.

Xander: Hey, Red is over here. 

Willow: Oh! Gross! Spike! Aaaa! 

Spike: Xander, what are you doing?

Willow: OK, we need to fix this pronto or else I need name tags to remind me where everyone is.

Dawn: (enters) I have returned.

Tara: How was it?

Dawn: Actually, once I figured out where the classes were it was quite enjoyable. Dawn, it seems you were not the only one who was a bit confused by your history assignment. None of the class seemed to know the answers to any of the questions posed by the teacher so I had to answer them all. You’re teacher was very impressed she asked me to come to the front of the class and explain the material.

Giles: (looking shocked) You answered all the questions?!? Enough to have the teacher call you in front of class?!? AND ARE YOU WEARING THE CLOTHES I WAS WEARING YESTERDAY!!

Dawn: Yes, I am sorry about that. It was just I would have been tardy had I returned to your home and changed, so I went as is. I didn’t think anyone would really notice. (Buffy and Tara exchange a look) I was surprised at how many people did.

Giles: (falls to the floor, covers his face) My life is over!!!

Xander: Hey, I got it! (the group turns) I know what the gold powder is it. It is part of a Nubian Transformation spell. Here is the spell. And here is the counter-spell. (looks dismayed) Oh my…

Buffy: What is it, honey? (taking Xander’s hand) 

Xander: Well, a lot of the ingredients for the counter spell are pretty basic, stuff we would have in the shop, but this (points to the book) says we also need the blood of a Drangollian Demon. And, also, … oh gosh.

Tara: What is it?

Xander: If the spell isn’t reversed in 24 hours (looks at the group) it becomes permanent. 

Anya: Bloody hell! I think not. I do not plan to spend the rest of my life looking like that boy’s trollop. (pointing to Xander) 

Willow: “That boy” is over here and do not call her a trollop!! (turns to Xander) But I got to agree with fang face on one point - Will, we may be best friends and all, but this is a little more togetherness than I want for the rest of my life.

Giles: (with his hands still covering his face) Oh just leave us this way, what does it matter, at this point I am the teacher’s pet who wears the same outfit two days in a row. My life as a teenager is official shot. 

Dawn: Now hold on, I do not think it is as bad as all that.

Tara: Everyone relax. I will go find this Drangolian Demon thing, slay it, bring back the blood and we will be peachy keeny. 

Anya: (scoffs) You’ll slay it. I don’t bloody think so.

Tara: And why not. 

Anya gets up walks over to the door flings it open and walks out into the sun. 

Anya: Nice day isn’t it? Sunny and look (as she walks in) no smoke.

Tara: Yeah, you can go out in the sun and Anya can’t because you are in each others bodies so what?

Anya: So, (as she walks back over to the group) it is the physical attributes of those bodies. Now, where exactly is Slayer strength and speed located? (Anya grabs both Tara and Buffy’s arm tightly)

Tara: Let go Spike! (She shakes her arm but is not able to shake free)

Buffy: Willow, he’s hurting me! (she pulls her arm away, and suddenly Anya goes flying across the room)

Spike: Hey, that is *my* body there. I would appreciate if it was not broken.

Buffy: Oh no! You mean. I’m … I’m the Slayer.

Tara: (sighs) Spike may be a jackass but it looks like he is right. Tara you have to do this, if we ever want to get back to normal. 

Buffy looks at Xander, who gives her a kiss on the forhead.

Xander: (looks at Tara) Buffy, Tara can’t do this on her own. This Demon is too much. She needs help.

Tara: I’ll go with her. I may have lost my Slayer speed and strength but I still know how to track a demon. I can help. (Sighs and looks to Spike) And we need a vampire’s strength. Are you up for it Anya?

Spike: Yeah, I suppose so. 

Willow: I’ll go with you. I can fight.

Tara: I know you could. But we need you guys to start mixing this spell. Listen this thing happened about 9:30 last night that only gives us about five hours right now. We’ll find this thing and bring back the blood. But we all have to work fast.

Willow: (Doesn’t look happy but agrees) Alright. Anya come here. (Spike walks over) Be safe O.K. 

Xander: (holding Buffy and looking in her eyes) I know you can do this, Tara. Just watch yourself OK. I love you, baby.

Then Willow kisses Spike as Xander kisses Buffy. Giles looks up and he, Dawn, and Tara cock their heads to the side with a puzzled look as they watch this.

Giles: That looks so weird. (Dawn nods)

Tara: Yeah, I agree. Just keep repeating to yourself ‘that is Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara’, but … wow just too strange. 

The couples break their kisses.

Tara: OK guys time to head out. 

Anya: I think I’ll join you buggers.

Tara: No Spike stay here.

Anya: Like I could be any help in mixing a spell, come on I can help you track.

Tara: (sighs) Fine, but stay out of the way, and do not hurt that body.

Tara, Buffy, Spike and Anya head out of the shop, while Xander, Willow, and Dawn begin mixing ingredients for the spell. 

Later, we see Tara, Buffy, Spike, and Anya making their way toward a cave. We see Buffy swinging a sword.

Tara: Lift your elbow a bit more when you swing, and try to step into the swing so you put all of your strength behind it when you do it. Try again. 

Buffy tries again but sort of stumbles when she does so and almost drops the sword. 

Buffy: I …I’m sorry.

Tara: No, you are doing fine, Tara. Try again.

Buffy tries again and it is much more solid swing. 

Tara: See there you go. You can do this, Tara.

Buffy: I don’t know. I just wish I had more time to practice.

Tara: Unfortunately, we are running out of time. But hey, (turns and looks her in the eyes) I once heard about the concept of muscle memory. I am a little unclear what it is, but it is my understanding that if your body does something enough time, it will eventually know how to do it without you even thinking about it. Now, if anyone’s body should now how to react in a fight without even thinking about it, it should be mine, right? (with a smile).

Buffy: (with a weak smile) Yeah. That makes sense. 

Tara: (they have arrived at the cave. We here a growl from inside) Are you ready?

Buffy: Oh goodness.

Tara: Tara, you can do this. Remember you have more strength than usual right now. Now hold tight to your sword. You are going to be great.

Buffy: Thanks Buffy.

The group enters the cave. They look around the cave for any sign of the demon. Suddenly, the demon rushes the group. Tara tries to attack him, but he flings her to the side.

Tara: Now Tara!

Buffy raises her sword to strike the demon, but the demon swats at Buffy making her stumble to the left and drop the sword. 

Anya: (to Spike) Well, what are you doing on the sidelines? Get in there and bloody help. 

Spike runs forward and kicks the demon hard in the stomach and the demon falls backwards.

Spike: Wow, that’s kind of fun. I like that.

The Demon jumps back up. Spike swings to punch the demon in the jaw but misses. The Demon punches Spike in the stomach, who doubles over. 

Spike: (breathless) OK, less fun. (Falls backwards out of the reach of the demon) When do I get to go back to being a civilian?

Buffy has meanwhile gotten a hold of her sword. She takes a swing at the Demon, which causes him a deep wound on his arm. Buffy looks pleased with herself. Suddenly the demon swings at her with his good arm, punching her in the face, she falls back, but manages to stay on her feet and with the sword in her hand.

Tara gets up and runs toward the fight. Anya’s hand reaches out and stops her. 

Anya: Where the bloody hell do you think you are going?

Tara: I have to help Tara.

Anya: All you are going to do is get yourself killed. Now sit back, give her advice, and let her fight this fight.

Buffy swings at the demon again, but the demon is able to dodge the blow.

Tara: You are taking to much time planning blows, he can see them coming. Tara, just hit him!

But as she says this the demon once again hits Buffy hard across the face.

Spike: Tara! (runs up and rams the demon hard in the chest. The demon falls back)

Buffy strikes the demon with three fast hard blows, one across the arm, one across the other arm, and the final blow takes off the demon’s head and he falls to the ground dead.

Buffy panting.

Tara: Good job Tara! I think you could do this slayer thing.

Buffy: I think I rather leave that to you. And to make sure that happens (walks over to a bag that Anya had been carrying, grabs a glass jar and puts it under the demon’s wounds where it gathers the blood) … the last ingredient.

Later in the Magic shop:

Xander: (putting the last ingredients into the spell) Alright this better work, because we have maybe another half an hour before this becomes permanent. 

Tara: Maybe less, I am not positive what time it was last night when this all started.

Xander: Buffy and Tara come here. Stand back to back. (sprinkles a dark green powder over them) Gai, hear us let true natures be restored. Let what is separated be whole. 

Both Buffy and Tara shudder. 

Giles: Did it work?

Xander: Let’s find out, so which of you can tell me the definition of Dadaism? 

Tara: An early twentieth century art movement which ridiculed contemporary culture and traditional art forms. (with a smile)

Buffy: Yeah, still need to study that.

Xander: That’s my girl. (grabs Tara and kisses her)

Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Spike, Anya and Willow all cock their heads to watch this strange sight.

Tara: (after they break the kiss) OK that felt weird.

Willow: Hey, Will, you might want to switch us back before you do that again.

Xander: Oh yeah! (to Tara) Sorry honey.

Little bit later.

Willow: Who do you think cast the spell in the first place?

Buffy: I am thinking it has to be related to whoever put my college life on fast forward a couple weeks ago, or caused me to experience the repeating day from hell here in the shop…Don’t worry I’ll track down whatever demon is doing these fun little tests. Right now I am enjoying that everyone is back to normal.

Xander: Yeah, and that is very good, because (looking at Anya) you are much easier on the eyes (leans in for a smooch).

Dawn: So, Tara how are you feeling now that you are no longer Buffy?

Tara: More than glad to leave the super hero slaying to your big sis.

Willow: Oh, (snuggling closer to Tara) you will always be my super hero. (kisses Tara).

Buffy: Personally, I am enjoying watching smooches that don’t hurt my head as much.

Dawn: Yeah, much better. (looks at Buffy) So can we move? I can’t go to class tomorrow.

Giles: You know I don’t understand why wearing the same clothes for two days would be considered such a faux pas.

Willow: You know it really is good that we found that counter spell because you would really never have lasted as a teenage girl.

Giles: I suppose not (takes off his glasses and begins cleaning them) There was this chap, Todd Masters, I think his name was, all of your little friends (looking at Dawn) kept talking about him constantly but when he, actually came into the library during study period and asked if anyone knew where they kept the books on Photosynthesis for some Biology paper he was working on, all they could do was stare and giggle.

Dawn: (look horrified) What did *you* do?

Giles: Well, I simple directed him to where they were in the stacks.

Dawn: (wide-eyed) What did he say?

Giles: I think his exact words were something like – ‘It’s cool to meet a girl who can act all cool and not get all excited when I am around’ and then he wanted to know if you were free next Friday night and I told him I would have to get back to him, which he assured me (he said with a sigh putting on his glasses) would be ‘very cool.’

Dawn: (looks speechless for a moment and then takes two big gasps before she squeals) You got me a *date* with Todd Masters!!! Like the coolest guy in school! I can’t believe it. (she runs over gives Giles a kiss on the cheek and big hug and then turns to Buffy) I have to call Janice!

Giles: (looking at the others) I take it I am forgiven for the clothing incident.

Buffy: I would say that's a safe bet. (with a smile)

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Cheat Sheet for the episode:  
> Anya -> Spike  
> Buffy -> Tara  
> Dawn -> Giles  
> Giles -> Dawn  
> Spike -> Anya  
> Tara -> Buffy  
> Willow -> Xander  
> Xander –> Willow  
> I wrote this in a screenplay format, since that seemed the easiest way to identify what physical character would be talking even as their minds have switched bodies. A note on pronouns - the characters themselves refer to each other by the pronouns they identify with (that is Anya identifies as female, so the other characters still refer to her using “she” and “her” even when she is in Spike’s body). However, when I did the stage direction I did use the gender of the actor that would be playing the part. I don’t know if that is the best way to do it, I would welcome feedback and thoughts.


End file.
